P E A

I am Paige and I, (just like you) have a voice.

Trigger warning: feminism, rape, rape culture, sexism, gender profiling.


Recently in my relatively close group of friends there has been more than one “debate” going on surrounding rape, feminism, and general gender/sexuality. It is getting nastier by the minute. I am disheartened by it, and am not going to join in when such hurtful things are being thrown around, but I am going to take the chance to speak up on my own personal belief system. I wish it had all come with trigger warnings so I could have skipped over the posts, but once I realized where it was going it was too late and had been effected. So, this is not directed at anyone in particular, it is not an attack, it is just what has been conjured up from deep inside me.


I am a survivor. I, in fact, have to face my attacker on a semi regular basis. When rape is brought up by a male is there a slight tinge in the back of my mind because my attacker was indeed a male? Damn right there is. Do I believe men have a right to speak up about rape? Of course they do. As do women and trans and anyone else who is cognitive with the willingness to learn from and accept all aspects of the act of rape. I believe in the thought that I embrace anyone who is willing to be informed on and speak up about  it rather than turn a blind eye, or give in to the rape culture.

Rape transcends age, race, gender, social class, financial standing, all those things. It can (and does) effect all walks of human life. Putting percentages and rates and probability on to the end of a statement only matters to an extent. It shows where the majority of it does take place and quite possibly proves further into the masses “normalization” of dehumanizing  women, but if only speaking in numbers mattered, in 2003, 1 in every 10 rape victims were male (*) Transexual rape is also an apparent issue (although most cases you can find are those that are reported in prison settings.) Rapists can be anyone, rape victims can be anyone.

I was raised in a matriarchal family. My grandmother was raised in an orphanage, had no contact with her real family, and was put out on the street the day she turned 18 with bus fair and an address to a priests house that she could stay in as long as she could make rent. From that has come two generations of headstrong as hell women. I was raised to work hard, not make excuses, and keep your head up and power through life. I was relatively young when my mother first spoke to me about self defense. She didn’t fear monger me, she didn’t tell me being a woman condemned me to some hellish life of being attacked every which way I looked, but she did want to raise a child that was able to defend herself. She taught me the power of word, once when I realized there were no school zone signs on the street I chose to walk home middle school on she had be write my local government and say something about it. Signs were installed that year. When I chose to quit ballet/tap she brought me to watch my cousin practice karate and told me if that I wanted to try it out I could. I chose not to, but she would later teach me the basics of self defense one on one. My father didn’t so much inform me in the way she did, but he nurtured me to believe that if I could take care of myself and enter situations as a self owning individual that my presence alone would demand respect and acknowledgment. I was still raped. I don’t blame anyone but the person who raped me. My parents information and teachings did nothing but help me through the recovery process of my assault, which  wouldn’t even happen until almost ten years after the raping.

The idea to me is to demolish this rape culture. Women are not to be ogled and objectified to the point of being so beat down that they will give up anything to be noticed as an individual. Men are not to be used for all their worth financially or so beaten down that they can’t find self worth without that certain person on their arm or key to that car. It’s all bullshit, and it’s damaging to everyone. A woman will respect and love an educated, un-jaded man. A man will respect and love an educated, un-jaded female.

Sexual assault is rape. Non-consensual sexual acts are rape. Again, anyone can rape. Anyone can be raped. I am, what I consider to be, a very sexually liberated female. I won’t begin to touch on how I’ve been put down and deemed a “fake feminist” because of what I enjoy in the privacy of my own bedroom and life. It’s depressing that there are so many feminists who still consider sex such a taboo. Pornography can be consensual sex. Fetish play can be consensual sex. I have, on more than one occasion, stopped during foreplay and sexual intercourse to ask my partner if trying something or going further was okay with them. I have had my partners do the same with me.

The idea is communication. In the bedroom, in the streets, in internet debates. The idea is not to put your friends down for voicing their opinions, no matter how off from yours they are. Speak up and be willing to teach them or at the very least divulge further into your views on the subject. Just. Be. Nice. Especially when speaking up about such painful, delicate subjects. Get pissed, sure. But don’t lose sight of the (hopeful) light at the end of the tunnel, expressing yourself fully and wholly and feeling like you got your point across with poise and continuity. Not anger and general malice.

Especially among the people I surround myself with in the personal life, we are in this (and many other battles) together, and we need to stand as one voice against sexual assault, un-consensual sex, rape. Sometimes we are going to view the topic from a different aspect than the next person, due to personal experience, but that’s what is supposed to enrich the process. Grow together as a group against society’s disregard for the subject matter. Fighting amongst the fellow people who stand next to you (even if it’s a little further away from your side) in the battle against rape culture is what THEY want. Speak out, speak up, stay focused, and educate. There are solutions.